wa.

Tonight i was suposed to be happy. and it was suposed to be all whoopie we are done, we can just relax.
this has turned out two be one of the worst days i have had yet.
first. my dad and my step mom get in a big fight. LIKE DO YOU THINK, I WANT TO HEAR MY FATHER AND MY STEPMOTHER FIGHTING AS SOON AS I COME BACK FROM HERO/ HEROINE? NO! I DO NOT. it was over the stupidest thing too. its realyl annoying.
and plus. my dad owed me for like two weeks of allowance so i asked him for it and these were my exact word "dad, can you leave the money on the table tomorrow?im sorry for asking, its just i want to go out tomorrow." and he says "STOP SAYING THAT. YOU DONT FEEL SORRY."
i am actually in tears. you dont know how bad i just wish i culd be with my mom. like. i dont mean here. i mean where ever she is. farther away from this house. i dont want to be here. and the thing is, when ever i cried at my dads house, iwould call my mom and she would feel so bad that i was crying and now, i have no one to call. NO ONE. i dont think any of you know what its like to have the most important person in your life just die. WHILLE YOU ARE IN THE ROOM.
i hate it when this happens. the tears are running down my face, and i dont know how to stop them.
All my moms friends said, the moment my mother died. that if i ever needed anything. or if i was sad or soemthing, they did care how late it was i could just call. but they new i wouldnt do it. which is why they said it. like i still see them and everythng. but its not the same. and its kind of weird. i hate this so much.
i just hate this.
but there is always tomorrow. and right now. the only thing i am looking forward to is to go shopping tomorrow.
but even still, although in technicality i see this person everyday, i never seeeee her. she doesnt even want to hang out with me anymore. and i dont think she nows how much i miss her. and i just want her to be happy. and thats all i want her to know. so know matter what i say here. DO NOT listen. please, because if you listened to what i say.. i will end up hating my self moret han anyhting.