wa.

Tonight i was suposed to be happy. and it was suposed to be all whoopie we are done, we can just relax.
this has turned out two be one of the worst days i have had yet.
first. my dad and my step mom get in a big fight. LIKE DO YOU THINK, I WANT TO HEAR MY FATHER AND MY STEPMOTHER FIGHTING AS SOON AS I COME BACK FROM HERO/ HEROINE? NO! I DO NOT. it was over the stupidest thing too. its realyl annoying.
and plus. my dad owed me for like two weeks of allowance so i asked him for it and these were my exact word "dad, can you leave the money on the table tomorrow?im sorry for asking, its just i want to go out tomorrow." and he says "STOP SAYING THAT. YOU DONT FEEL SORRY."
i am actually in tears. you dont know how bad i just wish i culd be with my mom. like. i dont mean here. i mean where ever she is. farther away from this house. i dont want to be here. and the thing is, when ever i cried at my dads house, iwould call my mom and she would feel so bad that i was crying and now, i have no one to call. NO ONE. i dont think any of you know what its like to have the most important person in your life just die. WHILLE YOU ARE IN THE ROOM.
i hate it when this happens. the tears are running down my face, and i dont know how to stop them.
All my moms friends said, the moment my mother died. that if i ever needed anything. or if i was sad or soemthing, they did care how late it was i could just call. but they new i wouldnt do it. which is why they said it. like i still see them and everythng. but its not the same. and its kind of weird. i hate this so much.
i just hate this.
but there is always tomorrow. and right now. the only thing i am looking forward to is to go shopping tomorrow.
but even still, although in technicality i see this person everyday, i never seeeee her. she doesnt even want to hang out with me anymore. and i dont think she nows how much i miss her. and i just want her to be happy. and thats all i want her to know. so know matter what i say here. DO NOT listen. please, because if you listened to what i say.. i will end up hating my self moret han anyhting.

still really sorry

now i feel like such a bitch.
i don't want to do anything. like i feel so sick because of it. and like roar. i surprisingly have like a HUGE consions and i feel so sick because of him finding that. like i didnt sleep last night, and i didnt eat breakfast this morning. and last night Anya was over and i was just like sad after. and she was just watching movies whille i was trying to do something to forget about it.

im sorry.

ok. well
this is a message for Justin Platnar... when i wrote that message, i still really liekd you, even though it was like 3 months, i still just really liked you and i dont know, i was just really mad. i know it was still not a reason, and i didnt think that you would ever see that message, so i am really sorry, but i was just really mad.

another realtionship?

ok well..
this friday. happens to be the worst friday ever.
because...that is the day my mom died.
April 24th 2007. FUCK. but im going to hang out with... person.
and yeah.
it should be fun? well its a party anyways. last time i went to one of these persons partys... it ended in a relationship with a person from that party.. we all know who that is. what if that happens again?

ok well im goingto go.
Allie xoxoooo

party/

"he cant see the smile im faking, and my hearts not breaking, cause im not feeling anything at all"

ok, well yeah, let me continue on with my rave from earlier.
like all my friends are the type of people that if they like someone, they like ALWAYS like them back, its so annoying, rar rarararararararar.
well yes. i dont know. i cant wait for rosedaleeeee..
Kara she is not comming to the party.
so yeah Kara and i are planning a party. and she wants the girl i hate with burning passion to come, i hate her so much, if i even have to look at her for more than five seconds, i will jump on her and scratch her eys out yeah and anyway we are only aloud to have like ten people not including our selves. so she will not be one of the magnificent 10. she is a bitch. ROAR.

kArA and MoI

" romeo save me i've been feeling so alone, i keep waiting for you but you never come"

Hi i am a girl. i have a vagina and i am amazing.
why cant it be as simple as that?
like, ok. thats like all guys need to know about you, that you are a female, that you dont have a penis (by the way Kara is here) and that you are like the greatest person in the world. (i dont mean in bed) and like ROAR. why do i keep liking people..
im tired of falling for people who dont fall back.
you know. well know, most people dont know, because my friends are the type that every guy that they have liked likes them back.
im not gonig to lie.
i have liked a lot of guys. but there are only like four that i ACTUALLY liked, and wanted to date and shit. there Adrian, Nate..., Justin and.... Michael.... oh god. i hate saying the names of people when like they might read this, but like i know probably nate justin and adrian wont read this. well anyway got to go "entertain Kara"

if i had a time machinee...

soo... um i feel like
i
am
so
...
BLAH.
everyone is so happy, and im like so sad. i hate my life so so soo much. like ten times more than anyother person. like. i dont want to be a drama queen or a b!tch but, it just seems to come out that way. i wish i was back in elementary school. or just go back in time and accept the Jarvis letter instead of the Rosedale letter.
this is annoying me so much, i dont know how i will deal with seeing all the faces of the people i hate next year, some i dont hate, but some i really do. if i went to jarvis, i wouldnt know anyone, and i would have a fresh start, the only option i have now is to just, not talk to any of the people i used to know, and just be a different person, become the person i was, not the person i am. who i am hates who i have become, no one would have wanted me this way, especially my mom, i guess the only reason i wanted to go to rosedale is because everyone else was. and, that both my brothers went there, i dont know, and next year especially will be crap, because Andreas is there, and he will probably fail, so he has to stay back a year, so either way (he might not fail, but he will probably take a 5th year) i have three years left with him. and thats is basically all of my high school years, because unless my mind completley changes, on what i want to do in my future i will take a 5th year,
and i dont know i dont mean to bitch. its just, really annoying. like
rawr. so, i dont know, and then if i change my mind later on in grade 9 and i discover that i really do want to hang out with the people i knew, they wont want to hang out with me.even Ros has already moved on. we were going to go in on the first day of school and rate every single guy. now, yesterday, she was doing that with Charlotte. i hate it!
i hate my life i hate my life i hate my life i hate my life.
rawr..
this is a really crap feeling. but anyway.
the only person who i think actually still reads this is Mitch. so mitch, you win 5,000 dollars.
and you also get the privalage of reading me whinning,
was that a bad sentace? i think so. oh well. i am nervesss.
poo.
well anywayi have to go take a showwaa.
tata.